I have been asked whether I am angry or upset that I was placed for adoption. No, not at all. There is no way of knowing what my life would’ve been like if I had stayed with my birth family. Or been placed with a different family. Or if any number of large or small things had gone differently than they did. Life is an unpredictable series of highs and lows. My life certainly isn’t perfect. There are things I love about my family and things that drive me up the wall. Difficult and stressful circumstances arise. Parents can’t shelter their children from this. What they can do is help provide those children the support and skills they need to face life’s challenges and overcome them. Though they knew they wouldn’t directly be able to do this, my birth parents chose an adoptive family that could. They carefully considered what I would need and picked the family that was to become mine.
Adoption is a difficult and complicated decision, but I’m grateful for the courage and discernment of my birth parents. There isn’t only one way of being a good parent. I am lucky enough to have been loved by two families in different ways.
*Name changed for confidentiality
By Samantha Cosette
(cont from Spring Newsletter)
Hope shared about discovering she was pregnant at 14, her life as a birth mother, and how she navigates her relationship with her daughter. As I watched her tell her story, I could see the significant pain and love in her face. I always imagined adoptions being completely closed, even though I knew that there are open adoptions. Hope shared that she sends care packages, letters, and gifts to her child as much as possible. She visits with her every year while trying to keep up with her exciting changes in life. The best part of hearing Hope’s story was seeing that even though she made the difficult choice to place her baby for adoption, she knows now that she made the right choice. There are still struggles, but she is so proud she chose to give life to her child and bless her adoptive parents with a child they cherish more than anything.
Adoption is a beautiful process and I feel so thankful to learn more about a personal story from a birth mother. Now I believe birth mothers are some of the strongest people in the world. They are undoubtedly selfless in their decision to carry and birth their child, and then make a choice to bless another family with the best gift she could possibly give them. Hope’s story shows the pain of adoption for birth families does not just go away, but birth mothers grow and can have peace knowing they made the right choice for their child.
Guest Blogger & Volunteer: Michelle Soucy
Volunteering for CFLS was a great life choice for me and I will definitely be back to help the wonderful office ladies in any way I can. I highly recommend anyone to volunteer at CFLS to gain new experiences and insights into the world of adoption, to help clients or the staff complete their mission, to connect with the community, and ultimately have a wonderful sense of accomplishment in knowing you are making a difference.
We were so grateful this past fall semester at the outpouring of volunteers like we had not seen before. We had a multitude of students and some community groups like this Microsoft team that came to help with outdoor projects. You may have seen them in our most recent newsletter. They were drawn to volunteer at our ministries because the staff are "wonderful people doing great work." We invite you this Giving Hearts Day to consider how you might get involved, not just financially, but with your time or skills that you have to offer! Thank you for considering CFLS as a non-profit to love this February 9th!
I would like to take this moment to brag about our board members and their passion for adoption ministry. Each one of them finds ways to support through their strengths and gifts. They even let us talk them into a #GoMatchyMatchy photo for Giving Hearts Day!
Board member not pictured: Ashley Schell, attorney
Women’s health services looked different in the early 80s when we started the adoption agency. Unexpected pregnancies carried more stigma, but when we set up an office out of our home for single women to come get a free pregnancy test and decision-making counseling, my toddler running around had no preconceived idea about these ladies and why they were there.
Our goal has always been to assist women who wanted to make a carefully thought-out decision for their future and the best for their baby. Choosing life is not easy, regardless of what next decisions a mom makes for her health, support system, and baby’s well-being. Community education is a priority for CFLS and we want women to know they have support and a community who understands what the adoption process looks like today, not 30 years ago. Making an adoption plan is not “giving away” a child, and the more we can encourage positive language the more babies we can save. My little toddler impacted many hurting women in our home just by sitting by them and they could see hope and grace through a child’s eyes. Giving Hearts Day is YOUR day to have a bigger impact with your online donation. I challenge YOU to change the life of a child and expectant parents. Will you #GoMatchyMatchy with me?
We asked local social work students to survey friends and family to get their answers on what comes to mind when they hear the word adoption. Here are some of their answers:
I first think of the word hope. Adoption means someone is blessed with a child... -Olivia Toft
It gives birth parents another chance at a successful future and gives the babies an opportunity to succeed, be healthy, and be happy with a loving family.
I interviewed my parents about adoption. They both think it is a wonderful thing for everyone involved. My mom’s sister had a baby out of wedlock back in 1965 and it was much different back then...A lot has changed since then and they think it is a wonderful thing. Both my mom and dad give birth parents and adoptive parents credit because it does take a lot of courage but it is a beautiful thing.
It was so awesome to hear from the community about your thoughts on adoption. As Adoption Awareness Month comes to a close, we hope more people have found a chance to talk about adoption at home, work, or with friends and consider how to support and encourage people going through the adoption process or where to find resources for an expectant parent trying to make decisions for their baby's future.
We are grateful for you!
By Anonymous CFLS Volunteer
I’m your biological sister. I am 21 years old. We have the same birth father. I have known about you for over half my life. I have often thought about you and how you have grown up. Were you involved in sports? Do you like to travel? What are some of your hobbies? What are your parents like? Do you have other siblings?
Over the years, I have tried to understand why our father created an adoption plan for you. I know that he was 15-16 years old when he found out you were on the way. He, along with his girlfriend were very excited to become parents but they were on a tough road. Both your mom and your dad were still in high school. They decided adoption because they wanted to help others who could not have babies on their own. It’s been over 20 years since the adoption and a lot has happened since then. We have a sister. She is 23. She also has been curious about you and what you have been up to. I am currently a senior in college going into the field of social work. I am getting married next summer. Our sister is going to start Grad School next fall in the field of criminal justice. Did you go to college? Are you married? Do you have kids?
We have missed out on so much of each other’s lives and my goal in life is to know who you are. I understand the difficulty in making this step and if you are even interested in meeting your biological family. I understand if you have no interest in knowing where you came from. I am prepared to handle that when and if that time comes. I just want you to know that you are loved!
I have started the outreach process in hopes to someday meet you. I have so many questions and so much to tell you!
-Your biological sister
*CFLS works with clients to conduct a search of biological family when applicable. See our Adoption Search page for more information.
Come find out more about Adoption Awareness Month tonight...
The latest News and updates from the CFLS offices and the adoption ministry.